Yesterday, the Honolulu City Council “Schnitzer Six” awarded millions in tax money to a profitable, giant mainland corporation. By overriding Mayor Carlisle’s veto of Bill 36, the Council reinstated the lucrative subsidy to auto recycler Schnitzer Steel.
According to Council Member Ann Kobayashi, “Schnitzer has gotten over $19 million from us since 1998, they are used to getting this money, it would be terribly unfair to just cut them off all of a sudden. When their PR people and lawyers openly cry in our offices, it impresses me that they aren’t afraid to show their feelings.”
“We have to take care of our large corporate contributors, er, I mean partners, who are doing so much for the community, said another Councilman, who refused to be identified.
“Yes, without this subsidy, Schinitzer Steel might have to dip into their own profits, and that wouldn’t be fair to their shareholders,now would it? Hawaii has an anti-business reputation, but we can help fix that by giving big corporations our tax dollars to show that we want them to be happy. Our citizens are so greedy and selfish when they whine about potholes, and lack of city services…without a thought for these poor struggling corporations and how they feel when their profits slip. Well, they are actually going way up in the case of metal recyclers, but they might go down someday, so the tax money we give them, makes them feel more secure. And they create jobs for Hawaii’s people…just look at all the trouble Rene Mansho has gone to, to fill up this whole row, and dress them all in the same blue shirts and line them up like that. If that doesn’t make you feel better about paying higher taxes and fees you just don’t have any feelings.”
Council member Ann Kobayashi criticized some of the testifiers as “negative” and engaging in “personal attacks.” Kobayashi said, ” who do these people think they are coming in here and trying to tell us what we should do?” She continued, “Some of them actually said they were taxpayers and voters, but they really didn’t offer any proof of that, so they could be anybody, it really makes me confused. People should think before they interfere with our government processes, we know what’s best for them and when we want their input we’ll ask for it.”
Councilman Ikaika Anderson, who wore a bag on his head for most of the hearings, provided the pivotal sixth vote for the override. He did say he had “reservations,” but he would get over them. He was interviewed after the council meeting, but the bag made it impossible to hear what he was saying.
(Note: For those new to political parody, mocking satirical dialog is shown in italics)