Abercrombie D.O.E. unveils new “equality” era textbooks

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The early reading books will be produced to reflect 432 lifestyle variants.

In anticipation of the legalization of same-sex marriage being promoted by the Governor, his administration has already begun the process of bringing public education resources up-to-date.

D&JcollageDepartment of Education curriculum specialist, Carolyn Fuji-Matsuda, displayed a series of new “Dick & Jane” reading primers for the media today.

“What was difficult to achieve was incorporating all the possible new “equality” options available to modern progressive families,” said Ms. Fuji-Masuda. “We started with a simple male gay couple variant, but soon realized that we had to have a lesbian couple, a gay and lesbian couple with minority racial partners, and then every possible variant of lesbian, gay, racial minority and physical disability.”

The mathematical possibilities are staggering and all are “civil rights” according to the governor.  The early reading books had to be made in a total of 432 variations, and children, beginning in kindergarten will be required to read all of them equally.

“It is about fairness,” said Fuji-Matsuda.

According to the D.O.E., Governor Abercrombie’s “equality” initiative will promote a broader understanding and acceptance of the variations of human interaction and sexuality.  On the downside, because of the shear volume of alternate lifestyles that must be presented, high school graduates will still be reading at the second grade level.

Monkey Bites – State Democratic Party Conventional Wisdom

  • The $30 a head “meet the candidates reception” served chintzy cracker hors d’ourves and $8 no-host beers. Should have gone to Outback.
  • Ed Case fell on his spear, but didn’t look too happy about it and left immediately after his announcement.
  • The diminutive Abercrombie came up to Mufi Hannemann and said, “It’s not too late to save yourself,” and then skittered away.

  • Dante Carpenter joked that delegates should avoid the use of the word “jackass” as it was deemed offensive by some democrats.
  • Abercrombie backers overrule Hannemann supporters and put Bill 444 and Same Sex Marriage on the party platform
  • There were more people at Hannemann’s Friday night party than the opening session of the convention. It also lured many away from boring committee meetings.  Hmmm, let’s see, a great free buffet or a 2 hour discussion on geo thermal?
  • The best Internet coverage was provided by Malia Zimmerman, a republican sympathizer, who streamed the event live.
  • Prior to Neil’s speech on Sunday, a bus load of supporters performed an odd geriatric conga line, then left.
  • Convention organizers, who favor Abercrombie, tried to keep re-scheduling Hannemann to speak at 11:00 am when they knew he was on a Neighbor Island.
  • An Atomic Monkey sticker was reported in the men’s room of the Coral Ballroom.
  • There were feeding frenzies at the Tapa Tower suites as the candidates hosted hospitality rooms.  Hooser served a nice shrimp curry, but I still won’t vote for him.