President Obama addresses conflicted policy on terrorism

President Barack Obama has vigorously denied any overt sympathy for Muslims.

President Barack Obama has vigorously denied any overt sympathy for Muslims.

“The heinous attacks in Paris are yet one more reminder of the awful spectre of workplace violence and the obscene proliferation of assault weapons.” said the president at today press conference.

When questioned by the media, the president refused to acknowledge any connection to the attackers being Islamic radicals or terrorists.

“Islam is the religion of peace, Muslims could not possibly be involved!” remarked the president. “I find your wild insinuations to be cavalier and racist.”

“This was an isolated incident perpetrated by disgruntled job seekers, who just happened to be from an immigrant community,” said Obama. “They probably got access to their military-grade weapons through U.S. mail order gun operation Cheaper Than Dirt – we are also investigating their possible membership in the NRA and recent phone calls placed to Mossad as we speak.”

Obama went on to criticize the lack of opportunities for immigrants in western countries and vowed to open the U.S. borders as a gateway and standard for acceptance and multiculturalism. “America has a proud history of assimilating immigrants from all over the world,” asserted the President. “Now, it’s America’s turn to be assimilated! If it’s Allah’s will.”

A spokesman from Al Qaeda in Yemen issued the following response to the president’s statement. “While we appreciate your president’s continued support we do feel a little slighted by his recent remarks.” Said Mahmud Ghoughtmollestir. “We planned this whole attack and activated our sleeper cell, and we deserve the credit.”

“We are also getting really tired of the new U.S. Government reports that the attack on 9/11 was really an accident by student pilots, and that Osama was actually killed cleaning his own unregistered firearm (also purchased at Cheaper Than Dirt)….I mean….really?”

“This is no secret that we are Islamic fundamentalists hell-bent on world conquest, and everybody knows it,” added Ghoughtmollestir. “What part of ‘kill all the infidels,’ and ‘get your 72 virgins here’ does Obama not understand?”

“I appreciate his trying to keep up the front and cover for us…but the cow has left the barn…apparently President Obama did not get the memo.”

Recent renovations to the U.S. Capitol building have left many Beltway observers scratching their heads.

Recent renovations to the U.S. Capitol building have left many Beltway observers scratching their heads.

Obama’s bull is catching up with him.

Future rodeos will have armed drones circling overhead.

Future rodeos will have armed drones circling overhead.

A recent rodeo in Missouri inflamed the PC mob, not because of it’s politically incorrect treatment of animals, but because one of the clowns dared to mock the President. The crowd cheered when an Obama-masked rodeo clown asked ” Do you want to see Obama get run down by a bull?” The fallout from this incident has created a national debate featuring advocates of free speech vs, well, those opposed to free speech.

The rodeo management quickly crumpled and threw the clown under the bus, banning him for life.  The liberal media continued shrieking about the “abominable behavior” (even for red-necks from Missouri).

The Missouri branch of the NAACP really jumped the shark by demanding a Justice Department and Secret Service investigation of the clown as a civil rights violator.  It would seem that the simple mocking of the incumbent president is deemed racist because he is black (he’s actually half white, too).  This is dangerous turf to be treading on.  Because the President is black, any satire or mocking of his presidency can be considered “racist,” therefore he should somehow be indemnified from any criticism.  Ridiculous.

Masks can now only be purchased with a federal permit.

Masks can now only be purchased with a federal permit according to the White House.

Unless, we the people, blink and are willing to allow political censorship, we must stand up for all clowns everywhere. How would you like to live in a world where only some clowns get to speak their mind? What makes Joe Biden’s political views any more important than that of the average county rodeo clown?

There hasn’t been such ham-handed arrogance since the days of Rome’s tyrannical emperors…some of whom did, in fact, commission protracted torture deaths for actors who crossed that line and tried a little humor at their expense.

When thin-skined gubernatorial candidates beat up on harmless satire blogs, it’s mildly bemusing; but, when U.S. Presidents allow ordinary citizens to be pilloried for their political views….it’s unconstitutional.