Abercrombie D.O.E. unveils new “equality” era textbooks

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The early reading books will be produced to reflect 432 lifestyle variants.

In anticipation of the legalization of same-sex marriage being promoted by the Governor, his administration has already begun the process of bringing public education resources up-to-date.

D&JcollageDepartment of Education curriculum specialist, Carolyn Fuji-Matsuda, displayed a series of new “Dick & Jane” reading primers for the media today.

“What was difficult to achieve was incorporating all the possible new “equality” options available to modern progressive families,” said Ms. Fuji-Masuda. “We started with a simple male gay couple variant, but soon realized that we had to have a lesbian couple, a gay and lesbian couple with minority racial partners, and then every possible variant of lesbian, gay, racial minority and physical disability.”

The mathematical possibilities are staggering and all are “civil rights” according to the governor.  The early reading books had to be made in a total of 432 variations, and children, beginning in kindergarten will be required to read all of them equally.

“It is about fairness,” said Fuji-Matsuda.

According to the D.O.E., Governor Abercrombie’s “equality” initiative will promote a broader understanding and acceptance of the variations of human interaction and sexuality.  On the downside, because of the shear volume of alternate lifestyles that must be presented, high school graduates will still be reading at the second grade level.

Did Governor Abercrombie Fake Obama’s Birth Certificate?

A surveillance video recently leaked to the media shows suspicious activity two days before the official Hawaii long form Obama birth certificate was released by the White House.

New evidence now points a finger at Hawaii’s Governor Neil Abercrombie as the possible source of the widely disputed document purporting to be President Obama’s long form birth certificate. Surveillance photos of the South St. & Queen St. intersection routinely monitored by the Honolulu Fire Department have been leaked to the media. One frame clearly shows Governor Abercrombie leaving the Kinko’s late at night, on April 25th, two days before Obama unveiled the “official” document.

The night manager at Kinko’s, Mr. Marvin Ishikawa, further corroborated what was shown on the video.

“Sure I remember them.” said Ishikawa. “They hogged my best graphics machine for hours. I thought the short guy looked a lot like the governor, but he said his name was John Smith. I thought it was kind of funny that they paid with a State of Hawaii government debit card.”

Ishikawa elaborated, “They were on that machine for almost two days straight, and I have the computer logs right here; 12 hours of Adobe Illustrator, 23 scans, a bunch of PhotoShop and several faxes back and forth to Washington, DC.”

Asked to identify the man in the video, Ishikawa said, “Yeah, that’s him, that’s “Smith.”

Close up reveals what was being produced at the marathon Kinko's session supervised by the mysterious "Mr. Smith."

When Abercrombie first took office he vowed to clear this birth certificate business up, once and for all, but by January of 2011 had given up. He basically told his friends that he simply “couldn’t find the dam thing.” Things changed in April, when the President sent a letter to Hawaii’s Department of Health requesting a copy of the long form birth certificate.

According to one un-named source inside the DOH, everybody, including the Governor’s Office, panicked, “We had to do what we had to do”