In a startling turn of events the Hawaii Republican Assembly (HIRA) has been taken over by a cartoon character from Comedy Central’s South Park.
According to Wikipedia, Eric Cartman’s profile bodes ill for Hawaii’s Republicans: “Cartman has been portrayed as aggressive, prejudiced, arrogant, and narcissistic since his character’s inception; Stone and Parker describe the character as “a little Archie Bunker“. These traits are significantly augmented in later seasons as his character evolves, and he begins to exhibit extremely psychopathic, sociopathic and manipulative behavior, and also be depicted as highly intelligent, able to execute morally appalling plans and business ideas with success.”
Stone and Parker apologized for their cartoon creation escaping to Hawaii and causing so much damage.
The once effective voice of conservative ideas in Hawaii, HIRA has deteriorated into a squalid mess of vicious online trolling and relentless jackassery under Cartman. We were able to find only three former HIRA members who were willing to admit they are still associated with the organization.
We contacted Eric and asked him directly how he became “president” of HIRA in spite of the lack of any meeting or election.
Cartman responded, “Your breaking my balls man, your breaking my balls!”
When asked if he was actually ever elected to be the leader of HIRA, Eric stated, “I’m not just sure, I’m HIV positive.”
In addition to attacking all elected Republicans, HIRA, under Cartman, will focus on killing hippies and acquiring Jew gold.
We explained that many see his constant trolling and pointless Internet attacks as destructive to the Republican and conservative cause in Hawaii, he shrugged and said, “”Your tears are so yummy and sweet. Ohhh, the tears of immeasurable sadness! Yummy, you guys!”
When it was suggested that the best thing he could do to help conservatives and Hawaii’s GOP is to quit HIRA, leave Hawaii and focus on being a cartoon buffoon on South Park he became angry.
He shouted, “Screw you guys, I’m going home!” and ended the interview.