A Pathetic Flea On American Society

An explosive new film blows the lid off the Federal conspiracy to suppress opposition to the Honolulu rail project. The movie dramatizes the confrontation between Federal agents and Honolulu’s plucky City Councilman, Tom Berg. Drugged by no one less than the President of the United States himself, Berg has his cell phone, containing vital anti-rail strategic plans, stolen by the Feds.  Hell bent on discovering the secret information on Berg’s phone, the government goons send in a sultry, temptress to thwart Berg’s quest to regain his phone and his dignity.

Berg appears to surrender before being hit by a Taser.

The action builds as Berg valiantly tries to penetrate Secret Service security and the beautiful, blonde agent.  The verbal exchanges between the two are electric and charged with sexual tension. Take, for example, this riveting and brilliantly crafted dialog:

Berg: It took me about an hour and half to get here (Waikiki) from Kahala.

Agent: In your condition I’m surprised you made it here at all.

Or this:

Berg: You’re covering for ineptitude and incompetence!

Agent: No, Sir, I assure you we will tell everyone about you.

And, who could forget:

Berg: Are you one of those Federal f******g PIGS!  Is that a Taser? AAAAARRRRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!

Obama Has A “Dan Quayle” Moment

President Obama greets a startled Abercrombie in fluent Mandarin.

At the recent APEC gathering in Hawaii, President Obama mistakenly referred to their current location as “Asia.”  It’s the type of misspeak made famous by Republican candidate Dan Quayle.  The sort that gets the Liberal media howling and condemning the transgressor as “too stupid to be electable.”  You know, the sort of mobbing they reserve for the faux pas by the Quayles, Palins, Cains and Perrys.  The type of opportunity that makes Jon Stewart wet himself. How would we know that Republicans are so stupid if the media wasn’t there to constantly remind us.

But, aside from a small snippet in FOX News, there wasn’t a peep about Obama’s 3,000 mile GPS malfunction.

It is unforgivable that Honolulu’s local media, at least, didn’t give this story the attention it deserved because it might have explained a lot.

Roundly criticised for snubbing the local garment industry by rejecting his aloha shirt photo op, President Obama may have simply been confused as to where he was.  Of course, it would seem inappropriate to don aloha attire if you think you were in Thailand or China. Clearly, the man had no idea where he was. I am sure he would have eagerly obliged had he only known he was actually in this “home” state.

This could also explain the discrepancies regarding his place of birth.  Maybe the president really meant someplace else…like Indonesia.  It’s really hard to keep all those asian locales straight.