Eric Ryan killed the Hawaii Republican Assembly

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HIRA’s toxic new “president” has totally destroyed the organization’s credibility.

The Hawaii Republican Assembly or HIRA has been reduced to a wizened husk of what it once was. No one can yet explain how Eric Ryan became “president” and “treasurer” of the corpse of this once legitimate organization. Was there ever an election or did Ryan simply show up and take over?

All we know for sure is that Eric Ryan wants us to believe he is the voice of “real conservatives,” and the “conscience of the Republican Party.”

The stated mission of HIRA is “take back the Republican Party” and “elect Republicans.” Ironically, Ryan proposes to do this by attacking and slandering every single elected Republican that still remains as well as all the current officers of the Republican Party of Hawaii. Just how this helps build the party is a complete mystery.

Even Patricia Saiki, the grande dame of the Hawaii Republican Party and former U.S. Congresswoman is dismissed by Ryan as a “rino” and “crook.” GOP Chairman Fritz Rohlfing, a prominent Honolulu Attorney, is called by Ryan a “Satanist,” and “complete loser” and “filthy scumbag.” Believe it or not others actually fare worse. Ryan relentlessly attacks “these sleazebags,” who have “zero integrity and complete disregard for the truth.”

He portrays himself as victimized by the “hatred for HIRA and Eric Ryan’s conservative truth-telling.” In reality it’s clear he is the one dishing out the vast majority of the hatred. And, his highly documented history in Hawaii doesn’t speak well for Eric’s ability to tell the truth. He was summarily fired from organizations like Stop Rail Now, John Carroll for Governor, Kym Pine for City Council and Tom Berg’s City Council Office. In each case, missing money, delusional behavior and chronic lying were mentioned as reasons why Ryan was asked to move on. And, in each case, Ryan unleashed vindictive campaigns of online slander and vilification on his previous employers.

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Here’s what some of the people who knew Ryan best and worked with him and fired him have to say.

Councilwoman Kym Pine said, “It’s unfortunate that a single person can so easily attempt to extort money through constant threats, lies and harassment.”

Councilman Tom Berg echoed, “This guy would wake up every morning looking to hurt people.”

2011 Gubernatorial candidate John Carroll was more specific, “He also forged my signature on a contract and tried to use that to extort me for more money, even though it was very clear forgery. In all, he took about $30,000 from me.”

Eric Ryan, the “conscience of the Republican Party,” is now sanctimoniously accusing everyone else of corruption

Now that he has finagled complete control over the messaging being puked out by HIRA, I encourage you to mull over these examples of his actual rhetoric and be the judge of his motivations, integrity and mental health for yourself.

Actual quotes from Eric Ryan from HIRA online posts and newsletters…

EricTVOn Representative Bob McDermott: “It’s as if McDonut took TheBus and then rode TheRail to today’s meeting straight from spending all night in his smelly basement in old Ewa Beach; drunk on stale Doritos and a gallon of Keif “I Luv Mufi” Trollman’s 200 proof fermented urine.”

On Pat Saiki and Oahu League of Republican Women President and National Committeewoman Miriam Helriech: “It’s time for zero-integrity Hellreich and Saiki to join equally corrupt Fritz Rohlfing far away from party headquarters. It’s time for these crooks to go.”

On Party Chairman Fritz Rohlfing: “How can this crooked mental midget live with himself knowing he is such a complete loser and filthy scumbag? Satanic Rohlfing… an unethical, lying sack of horse manure.”

On Jack James, Exec. Director of the State GOP: “useless, corrupt, lord of the idiots named Jack James.”

On State GOP Vice Chairman Boyd Ready: “Rohlfing’s other RINO towelboy and fluffer, Boyd Not-So-Ready. TowelBoyd Ready is a dishonest loser and a con man…just ask his angry and vindictive RINO wife, Antya.”

In addition, Rep. Gene Ward, the other National Committeeman, and ALL other elected Republicans are rino’s (Republicans in name only) and according to Ryan they all must be removed from office and replaced with “real Republicans,” whatever the hell that means.

If you’ve had enough of this idiot…join the club.

Hawaii judge rules Trump Muslim travel ban would kill Hawaii Visitor Industry

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Federal Judge, and former Choom Gang member Derrick Watson

Today, Federal Judge Derrick Watson extended his block on Trump’s immigration policy citing Hawaii’s dependence on Muslim visitors.

“Hawaii has become completely dependent on the flow of Muslim visitors from Syria, Sudan, Iran, Libya and other Middle Eastern Countries,” said Watson. “They now make up over 80% of our visitor population, and Trump’s reckless immigration policy could completely destroy our tourism industry.”

“If you lived in our county you’d want a nice vacation in Hawaii too.” added vacationing ISIL commander Sayed Omar. “I mean, really, Syria is a giant exploding shit hole.”

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Most people don’t realize that Hawaii is now totally dependent on Muslim tourism

Catering to the new Muslim majority was confirmed by Hawaii Tourism Authority head George Cigaretti. “We’ve seen a steady rise in Muslim visitors over the last five years, and they are now pretty much the whole ball game,” said Cigaretti. “We hardly ever see any Japanese or Canadians any more.”

Cigaretti also confirmed that 90% of the visitor industry advertising budget is now being spent in the Middle East and North Africa.  The “Jihad in Paradise Fly-Away” campaign will start airing in targeted Muslim no-go zones throughout Europe in early April.

Among the changes made in the visitor industry to accommodate the newly dominant visitor demographic HTA cited:

  1. Signs and publications featuring Arabic and Farsi translations.
  2. No more TSA or other pesky airline security screening
  3. Goat luaus instead of pigs
  4. All Jews were relocated to Molokai
  5. All tropical drinks banned
  6. Prayer towers in Waikiki with calls to prayer every two hours
  7. Free Al Jazeera channel in all rooms

City lifeguards have had to adapt to some new issues as well.

“When their burkas get waterlogged, they go down like a sack of rocks,” said head lifeguard Kimo Schwartz. “We get a lot more heat strokes too.”

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A DAESH spokesman said their recent propaganda videos, shot on Oahu’s North Shore, would not have been possible without the State’s generous film production tax credits.

The re-packaging of Beth Fukumoto

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Beth Fukumoto, erstwhile leader of the tiny Republican Minority in Hawaii’s House of Representatives is the latest example of the re-launching of a completely manufactured political “star.” Her recent jump to the Democratic Party was a tour de force of carefully rehearsed speeches and other professionally orchestrated media whoring, but it wasn’t news. Everyone at the Capitol knew she’d been planning to do this for the last two years.

When every other word out of your mouth is inflammatory Democrat authored epithets: “racist, bigot, misogynist, hater, homophobe, etc.,” hurled at the political party you are supposed to be “leading,” you might meet with some suspicion from your fellow Republicans.

At the recent state Republican convention she gave a speech that she probably had focus-grouped to guarantee it would be booed. She wanted to punch her “victim” ticket.

Many think Ms Fukumoto was told to hang back when her comrade Aaron Johanson (ironically, also a former Republican Minority Leader) jumped parties, so as to cause as much chaos and sabotage as possible before finally getting kicked out.

The R’s finally voted Beth out as their Minority Leader after growing weary of her constantly spouting off like an Occupy Democrats meme every day. This besmirching of her resume was the final trigger; the time was ripe for dramatically sticking it to the Grand Old Party.

Following Ms Fukumoto’s moderately convincing Kabuki theater performance she was hailed as a heroine of feminism, diversity and other mythical liberal values. The story went national to a hungry liberal audience that was starving for good news. An attractive minority “Republican” who has seen the light and renounced her misguided past, repulsed by the evil, villainous Trump. She will undoubtedly be granted the fast track for political rehabilitation.

Fukumoto couldn’t explain away her previously conservative “values” fast enough. That vote against same-sex marriage…it was a simply lapse of judgment where she erroneously thought her job was to represent what her constituents wanted. In a recent video Fukumoto appears deep in though before she resumes reading her script, “we have to be very careful that we don’t succumb to this…(pretends to be thinking)…POPULISM.” It should be noted that the video cut away to Hawaii citizens holding signs that read, “let the people decide.” To Fukumoto, representing the will of the people is now a sign of weakness. She will make a good Democrat.

National film crews swooned, Elle, Cosmo and Huffington Post fawned and gushed, and predictable old political toady columnists croaked her praises. Beth was finally basking in the much sought-after lefty adulation.

The reality, however,  is that we are not witnessing the second coming of John F. Kennedy or even Tulsi Gabbard. Her 15 minutes of fame are almost over and she will soon disappear into the belly of beast… absorbed as just another minion of the Democrat Machine carrying water for her elders…yet quietly plotting her next lunge for the gold ring.
Kabuki

Hawaii’s conservative organization, HIRA, slings itself against the brick wall.

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New President of HIRA doomed to explode on impact

The new, and apparently unelected, “President” of the Hawaii Republican Assembly (HIRA), Eric Ryan, has now also claimed the title of “Chairman” of their new “Super PAC;” entitled The Phoenix Project., this fledgling insurrection of Hawaii’s “true Republicans” will presumably rise from the ashes of the Republican Party – assuming Eric succeeds in burning it to the ground.

Some of Hawaii’s Republicans are revolting.

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Snakes don’t usually advocate for draining swamps.

Many view this whole “Phoenix” thing as a deeply personal, symbolic effort for Eric because his career and finances appear to be a heap of charred, smoking debris. Some are deeply suspicious of the fate of any check mailed to, or pledged on any of the numerous “donation” buttons that now abound on HIRA websites.

Ryan has sustained a string of humiliating failures in his attempts to become a political “player” in Hawaii having been fired from every single rung of the career ladder which he had fleetingly clung to. He has emerged, yet again, as the newly minted President of HIRA. No one knows exactly how this happened as HIRA’s previous President, Tito Montes, had vehemently denied Ryan’s involvement with the organization up until he inexplicably disappeared himself.

Those in the know could see Eric’s trademark trolling in HIRA’s communications and Internet presence way before Tito ran for the hills. Eric was perhaps at his most effective in his old Tea Party days when he pranced around at anti-tax rallies in an overstuffed pink pig suit. Since then, his ability to communicate has deteriorated into an incessant droning about the need to purge RINOS (Republicans In Name Only)…which now includes damn near everyone but himself. He would like nothing better than to take over the Hawaii GOP and make them all pay (both literally and figuratively).

His goal has become painfully transparent. He is seeking revenge upon the Republican establishment which has failed to recognize and reward his immense talent and political brilliance…but soon, as the new Chairman of the Hawaii GOP, he will rise from the ashes to vanquish his detractors, they will laugh at him no more, as he flaps his mighty wings and flies above them in his tattered pink pig suit. [Eric’s fantasy sequence shown in italic]

Or, as it will be known to Hawaii’s future political historians…the day pigs flew.

Book Review: Campaign Hawaii

Caption: The book’s cover appropriately features union worker’s lined up waving campaign signs because they are afraid not to.

The book’s cover appropriately features union workers lined up waving campaign signs for Democrats because they’re afraid not to.

By Atom Monk

Campaign Hawaii by Rick Tsujimura is possibly the worst book written since Neil Abercrombie’s Blood of Patriots.

As a writer, Tsujimura, should stick to the backroom shenanigans of a Democrat insider where he truly excels. His prose style can best be described as lawyerly, ponderous and sleep-inducing.

Tsujimura meticulously footnotes various sources that were biased op-ed bullshit the day they were published. Presenting them as settled fact today will not make them smell any better.

Tucked between the stupefying platitudes are nuggets of stunningly pompous self-congratulatory twaddle. This is another in a long line of “Democrat good…Republican bad” opuscules churned out by party apparatchiks who can’t bend over far enough for the totalitarian regime that has lorded over Hawaii for over 50 years.

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Rick Tsujimura

Tsujimura repeatedly conjures up the metaphor of “sparrows” to portray the loyal, faceless, humble worker bees of Democrat grassroots campaigns. Anybody who has ever eaten outdoors at a McDonalds knows that sparrows are flying rats hell bent on stealing your food. They will also gleefully shit on your table. Tsujimura judiciously omits the parts where his noble “sparrows” stayed up all night running fax machines in order to slander their political enemies or when they launched massive defamatory whispering/chirping campaigns.

If you like to wallow in sanctimonious manure about imaginary moral superiority (coming from a lawyer) you may find merit with this onerous snooze fest. If you like to endure the gushing deification of garden-variety political operatives this outright corruption of history will be a delight.

The most unforgivable aspect of this unfortunate literary black hole is that it is relentlessly boring and unreadable. Take for example this turn of snappy prose:

“Because of the possibility of revenue shortfalls, I recommended that budget and service cutback contingencies be put in place.”

Or, this revelatory maxim about a winning political strategy:

“We often spread our sign holders about five to six feet apart, although ten feet is really preferable, because of the angle of sight as people drive by…”

Do yourself a favor and buy a good bottle of wine at Costco rather than waste the outrageous $17 for this paperback propaganda leaflet.

We rate this book: no votes

You never know what will pop up at the opening of the State Legislature

The opening of the Hawaii State Legislature is today.  The one day the public is actually welcome in the building.

The opening of the Hawaii State Legislature is today. The one day the public is actually welcome in the building.

Here’s a brief sampling of some of the proposed legislation in the works this year competing to waste your tax dollars:

HB 823 – Tom Brower introduced a bill permitting the open carry of sledgehammers, fire axes and cricket bats; also the right to carry concealed claw hammers, for self-defense against rogue shopping carts.  Brower has reported being attacked by abandoned carts in his Waikiki district and wants citizens to be able to defend themselves.

HB 378 – Kaniela Ing has submitted a bill that redefines the “anus” as a “mangina.”  This is in response to Rep. Bob McDermott questioning the redefinition of  “anus” as genitalia in the Pono Choices sex ed program. “That should fix everything,” said Rep. Ing. “Mostly it will keep McDermott from saying anus again.”

HB 443 – Rep. Jessica Wooley, Chair of the Ag Committee, is advancing a bill to make the cultivation of any genetically modified food punishable by life in prison.  Any existing products still available with any GMO content must be labeled with 48 pt. type: “THIS PRODUCT WILL FUCKING KILL YOU.” Governor Abercrombie has asked that an exemption for GMO Marijuana be attached to the bill.

SB 112 – A related bill submitted on behalf of the Governor was for additional funding for his rooftop garden being installed on the 5th floor of the Capitol Building.

SB 342 – Senator Sam Slom, whose perennial bill to make the Hoary Bat Hawaii’s official mammal has failed repeatedly, will not put out another “bat bill.”  Instead he appointing an actual Hoary Bat to be the Minority Whip for the Senate Republicans.  “I’m the only Republican left, so I can do whatever I want over here,” said Slom.

SB 953 – Sen. Hee announced a bill to restructure state elections.  Under the Hee proposal the State will save millions by conducting all future elections in a closed Democrat primary by voice vote.  “We won’t have to bear the cost of printing ballots, counting them or enduring silly campaigns,” said Hee. “Since there are only Democrats left, we can move things along a lot faster and more efficiently now.”

SB 119 – Representative Scott Saiki, in  a related election bill,  is seeking to eliminate terms limits for the office of Governor. When an existing governor passes away a new governor will be chosen from among the Democrat leadership.  The media will be allowed to watch the exhaust fan from the majority caucus room.  When the cigar smoke changes from black to grey a new governor will have been selected.

Abercrombie D.O.E. unveils new “equality” era textbooks

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The early reading books will be produced to reflect 432 lifestyle variants.

In anticipation of the legalization of same-sex marriage being promoted by the Governor, his administration has already begun the process of bringing public education resources up-to-date.

D&JcollageDepartment of Education curriculum specialist, Carolyn Fuji-Matsuda, displayed a series of new “Dick & Jane” reading primers for the media today.

“What was difficult to achieve was incorporating all the possible new “equality” options available to modern progressive families,” said Ms. Fuji-Masuda. “We started with a simple male gay couple variant, but soon realized that we had to have a lesbian couple, a gay and lesbian couple with minority racial partners, and then every possible variant of lesbian, gay, racial minority and physical disability.”

The mathematical possibilities are staggering and all are “civil rights” according to the governor.  The early reading books had to be made in a total of 432 variations, and children, beginning in kindergarten will be required to read all of them equally.

“It is about fairness,” said Fuji-Matsuda.

According to the D.O.E., Governor Abercrombie’s “equality” initiative will promote a broader understanding and acceptance of the variations of human interaction and sexuality.  On the downside, because of the shear volume of alternate lifestyles that must be presented, high school graduates will still be reading at the second grade level.

GMO protestors claim to have uncovered odd Sturgeon/Papaya mutant

A GMO protestor group has held a press conference to reveal photos and information they say proves that certain GMO companies on Kauai are working on new hybrid papayas that also produce caviar.  The group displayed photos they say were taken in an experimental field that purports to show one of the failed attempts to create such a product.  The photo appears to be a combination of Sturgeon and Papaya DNA that misfired and produced a hideous papaya tree with several large Sturgeons clustered at the top among the fruit.

“This thing is just another abomination to nature, and proof that these GMO companies are attempting to play God.” said a spokeswoman for Babes Against Biotech.  “We are calling for bills to label, outlaw and punish by death any use of so-called science in the production of food,” continued the partially clad “Babe.”

Stirred up by the recent “Mana March” on Kauai, anti-GMO groups are making new accusations on almost a daily basis.  One man associated with anti-GMO activities said he was driving near a corporate agricultural operation when he was forcefully abducted from his car and dipped into a tank of Agent Orange by laughing workers.

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This photo purports to show a genetic mutant Sturgeon/Papaya hybrid gone horribly wrong.

Asked to respond, a representative of the GMO company said simply, “I saw the photos and they are obviously Photoshopped. There is no such thing as a Sturgeon/Papaya caviar program.” “These people are a little whacky,” added the company official.  He recounted how several young naked women with machetes were spotted near one of the larger papaya fields.  He said police were called, but the women escaped leaving behind a couple of machetes, a sign that read: NO TO MONSTER GMO FISH TREES!, and a handful of Gary Hooser brochures.

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It is claimed that the goal of the GMO companies was a papaya  that also produced high-grade caviar.