Exclusive Interview with Rachel Dolezal, President of NAACP’s Spokane office

NAACP 3 Atomic Monkey: Rachel, you are the head of the NAACP in Spokane, Washington, and you claim to be black but your parents say you are 100% white…what’s up with that?

Rachel: We’ll that’s not completely true, I’m transracial, if my ex-parents choose to continue to perceive me as white, that is their problem. I was only white when I was being suppressed by white people…I was whipped and chained and told to be white.

Atomic Monkey: So, you used to be white, but now you’re black….OK. So how do you feel about people who criticize you for taking actual opportunities from actual black people…like the full scholarship at Howard University…they say it’s either delusional psychosis or out-and-out fraud. Maybe some weird mash-up of both.

Rachel: Fraud, psychosis! This is just one more case of the Transracialphobia that we must endure in our sick society. If Caitlyn Jenner can bravely transform herself into beautiful woman she always was I can become the strong black woman I am.

Atomic Monkey: Uh huh. I’m not sure Jenner succeeded in anything other than a publicity stunt. I’ll believe it when he prunes off his own junk. We heard that Jenner is also now planning to become black because of you stealing his headlines. He’ll be the first transgender-transracial, which will one-up you.

Rachel: You may think this is all some kind of joke, but everyone is entitled to be whatever they think they are, and other people have to accept it. We will continue to fight for not just tolerance, but forced acceptance. You will kiss my big trans-black ass, Honkey, this interview is over.

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