Not a Shadow of Doubt

Mysterious shadow in Clinton portrait continues to arouse.

Mysterious shadow in Clinton portrait continues to arouse suspicion.

Official presidential artist, Oswald Gouche, has finally admitted that the controversial shadow in Bil Clinton’s portrait is, in fact, a depiction of oral sex. “I can’t believe that it took this long to out the joke,” said Gouche. “I mean, Geeez, it’s pretty dam obvious isn’t it?” Gouche relates an exchange between President Clinton and himself at the first unveiling of the painting. The president pulled me aside and said ‘Hey, Gouche, is it just me or does that shadow on the mantle remind you of something?” “I told him that it was a badly rendered map of the United States and Cuba being projected with PowerPoint to show that the president was a ‘hands on’ foreign policy expert and was ‘boning up’ on current events,” said Gouche. “I really said that!” added Gouche, “There was champagne coming out of my nose…I almost pissed myself!” The president mumbled “Sure looks like somebody getting a blow job, but I’m kinda hyper sensitive about that sort of thing” and wandered off. “I’m totally mystified that nobody said anything more about it for years,” said Gouche. “It’s not like I was trying to be subtle.”


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