After being criticized by the media for inconsistencies in his story, pro golfer Robert Allenby has come clean with what he says is the real story of what happened at Honolulu’s Amuse Wine Bar.
“I should not have made up that stuff about being kidnapped by North Korean agents, but no one would have believed the real story,” said Allenby. “Thank God, a witness came forward with that photograph…now I can tell the truth.”
Allenby was referring to an astonishing photo that has come forward showing what looks like a UFO hovering over the Honolulu Design Center and “beaming” what appears to be Allenby aboard the craft.
“That what happened by Crikey,” confirmed Allenby. “I was taking a whiz and the next thing I know I’m rising up through a hole in the roof, right into that dam saucer.”
“Those dam little gray buggers stole my wallet, shoved a probe up my arse and dropped me into that planter where they found me,” explained the battered golfer. “I hate those little bastards.”
Recent surveillance video released by the police reinforces the latest version of this story. Video taken later that night shows what could best be described as a gray alien using Allenby’s Mastercard in an attempt to purchase tequila at a convenience store less than a mile from where the abduction took place.