Today President Obama issued executive orders granting full citizenship to all illegal aliens who apply for Democrat Party membership within 90 days. “The proud history of our country is to welcome new immigrants and integrate them into our society,” said the President. “Only in America can a destitute, non-english-speaking child become a Democrat precinct captain in only a few days!” Many voiced their concerns about the President’s unilateral actions, and suggested that he has exceeded his executive authority, and is simply throwing out all immigration law in order to build up the Democratic Party and make up for the failed mid-term elections.
“I find these accusations racist and absurd,” responded the President. “I will immediately instruct Johnathan Gruber to write a bit for the Daily Show to ridicule the Republicans and other nay-sayers and mock them into submission.” President Obama then unveiled advertisements being produced to promote his new immigration policy to illegal immigrants.