The highlight of President Obama’s recent visit to Asia was his unilateral acceptance of total responsibility for destroying the planet earth. Obama stated that it there is no doubt that the United States is totally responsible for any future changes in the climate of the planet. Specifically, he laid blame on the decadent lifestyles of his “capitalist pig countryman.” He pointed out that the ultimate “greenhouse gas” is methane generated by cow flatulence exacerbated by GMO corn and the widespread demand for beef-like material served by popular fast food chains like Burger King and McDonalds. He promised to do his best to continue the “change” he promised with his election to convert the United States of America into a third-world muslim caliphate with with only goats.
Xi Jinping responded to the U.S. President, “For God’s sake, Barack, get off the floor and pull yourself together…you owe us a lot of money and this bullshit isn’t paying the bills.”