Cachola’s Voter Assistance Campaign Questioned

This recent ad in the FilAm Courier raised a few eyebrows.

Candidate, Romy Cachola

Reporters have responded to complaints about Romy Cachola’s campaign pressuring elderly voters to cast mail-in ballots. It has been aledged that Cachola himself likes to pop in unannounced to present absentee ballots already filled out, and “helping” senior citizens to complete the process by adding their signature in his presence. Reporters specifically pressed Cachola on rumors that his “voter assistance” included intimidation and threats.
“There were no threats of any kind,” said Cachola. “We simply informed voters that those who do not participate in our program might be subject to playful pranks by some of our ghost members.”
Cachola was referring to deceased voters who regularly vote for him by way of his psychic registrants. Cachola insists that dead voting is completely legitimate and he only uses qualified multi-lingual psychics to complete post-mortem ballots.
“But you know some of our ghost voters can get a little carried away,” noted Cachola. “We’ve heard that cars get keyed, tires slashed, dogs poisoned…that sort of thing.”
“We can’t control them you know, they’re dead, it’s not our fault.”

Mr. Respicio Macatumpag

Co-chairman of Ghosts for Cachola, Mr. Respicio Macatumpag, was unavailable for an interview, but sent a written statement suggesting that it is a long held Filipino custom to honor ones ancestors by allowing them to continue to vote and participate in community decisions. Mr Macatumpag has himself been deceased since since 1954.
“Our organization has been instrumental in preserving our cultural rights for decades” added Cachola. ”Why, any smears about the integrity of our voter outreach to the deceased (or soon to be deceased) would cast aspersions on every one of my past elections!’ fumed Cachola. ”And, I won’t allow that!”

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