Egyptian Taxpayer’s Getting Ra Deal?

Clifus Slatorius Protests New Pyramid Construction.

Clifus Slatorius held a press conference today to decry the planned building of additional pyramids at the Giza Plateau.

“Just look at these ugly monstrosities,” shouted Slatorius, pointing at a artist’s rendering. “They will block the rays of the sun god, Ra, and mar our view of the dessert for perhaps a hundred years.”

“People of the future will look upon these piles of rocks in the sky and wonder what the hell we were thinking!” Clifus lamented.

Slatorius’s argument quickly focused on the cost of the large public works project ordered by the Pharaoh.

“The average family is already having a hard time staying in beer and bread, how can we possible afford an additional tax to fund this megalithic abomination.” stated Slatorius.

When Slatorius invoked the name of Pharaoh Khufu and insinuated that this project was all about kickbacks to the Pharaoh and the royal family, the guards drew their swords and Slatorius slipped away from the podium and quickly blended into the crowd.

His assistant, Panos the Greek, chimed in, “Yes, the extra one half of one percent tax will make things like mummification prohibitively expense, and skimping on sacrifices to Sobek, the crocodile god, will bear bitter fruit, I can tell you that!”

Panos also relented after a mild prod from a spear tip.

Slatorius, a Roman ex patriot, bills himself as “an expert in pyramid construction,” but actually amassed a small fortune mummifying cats.

Panos the Greek, the only known survivor of being chucked off a cliff as a baby in his home town of Sparta, is widely rumored to be running for Pharaoh again.

The meeting was abruptly ended and the crowd dispersed before the promised appearance of the mummy of Pharaoh Ben Khaya II.

Ra had no comment.

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12 responses

  1. Clifus Slatorius then offered free chariot rides for suckers to shop in captivity at his mummified cat factory outlet and lifted their coinage while Panos the Geek provided slapstick comedy diversions and the more sun-struck dupes nodded like bobbleheads and tried hard to convince themselves that his insipid buffoonery was just an act.

  2. The Egyptian taxpayers, hearing about $5 billion boondoggles, cried out for relief saying “I want my Mummy!” but, of course, the Pyramid promoters kept things under ….wraps.

  3. Clifus, a Roman who couldn’t vote in Egyptian elections, vowed to convince those he regarded as ignorant peasants that he always knew what was best for them, even if he had to lie his toga off to make them believe. The Flat Earth Foundation of Syriana inducted him into its Pantheon of Poppycock, and named him an official Cesar of Deceit.

  4. The Pharaoh’s minions, cunningly described as public servantus were caught skulking about The Valley of the Kings and consorting with expensive Asps by a reporter from Civilus Beatus. The ensuing dodging, bobbing and, of course, weaving made walking like an Egyptioan an international hit. Historians at the Ala Moana Rosetta Stone kiosk have declared that Carrion Okinagamaximus’ performance was the inspiration behind the “Colonel Klink Strategy” of later years: “I know nussing, I say nussing”.

  5. Hi sunt amici! Lorem ipsum blasphemant? Tum tu Domine mut quod have a valde caput vexatis. Vos forsit ut risus dui consequat magna nimis. Cur Romani cum loqui sicut similitudo est in Ægyptum, et pyramides? Oh, bene habet magna dies!

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