Mayor Carlisle: “Rats are like homeless!”

Giant homeless rats are now everywhere according to Mayor Carlisle.

Mayor Carlilse was recently quoted as drawing a controversial parallel between homeless and rats. During a televised interview Carlisle had plenty to say on the record.

“Have you seen those rats in Chinatown lately?” said Carlilse.  “Not only are they getting really big, but they are everywhere…pushing shopping carts, selling drugs and sleeping in entryways.”

“It was bad enough when they were jumping around and partying at the Chinatown Market at night, but now they’re all over the street, breaking into cars, pimping and accosting people on the sidewalk,” continued the Mayor.

Downtown residents have complained vociferously to City Hall about the growing homeless rat problem.

Local shopkeeper, Sum Dum Guoy spoke for several residents on his block, “The old homeless actually not as bad, ya they stinky, but so what?  These new rat homeless have very bad attitude, they snap at you and pee on door…rat turds now size of dam football!”

Many criticized the Governor’s pre-APEC homeless sweep for creating the new problem.  They pointed out that the removal of the human homeless paved the way for the rat homeless to evolve and take their ecological niche.

The Governor’s Office pointed to some limited success in finding jobs and clothes for the rat homeless.

The Governor’s office said they are working to address the new problem, and point to some preliminary success where several of the hard core rat homeless now have jobs other than selling crack and petty theft.  Some are even starting to wear clothes.


One response

  1. If rats could vote they wouldn’t have to put up with this stuff. Clearly, universal suffrage skipped the rodents. Pretty much skipped the Feral Citizens too.

    Doo dah dippity.

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