Why Al Gore Needs You To Keep Believing

Al Gore Brand Carbon Offsets (previously sold as one square foot of lunar real estate.)

Without the imminent threat of global warming how can Al Gore get us hooked on a carbon based economy?  Al has a plan, not to prevent global warming, but to make money off people who believe it exists.  With the concept of carbon offsets, people who lead a carbon intensive lifestyle (like Al) can salve their conscience by purchasing carbon offsets.  That way they don’t actually have to do anything drastic, like giving up their oversize mansions, Exxon stock or private jets.  They can become environmentally responsible by buying a green “get-out-of-jail-free” card instead.  More specifically, they can purchase carbon offsets.  That means if you are living like some rogue parasite on the planet you can “buy” your way back into good graces by having someone in Uruguay plant a few hundred trees for you.  That way your Uruguayan trees will suck up all the exhaust from your Lear Jet and Bentlley and you can sleep like a baby.  With a new economy based on carbon, guys like Al Gore can set up a green stock market and make money brokering all these carboniferous transactions. But, unless they keep you fretting over sea levels, stranded polar bears and the horrible man-made eco-disaster caused by all the crap they, and their corporate patrons, sold you last time…their carbon credits scam goes right down the toilet (and then out to sea where it will kill a monk seal).

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One response

  1. I don’t know about carbon but I am an expert on alternate fuels. I mean, if the combined methane output of my golf buddies Shige, Masa and Yosh – those daikon & takuwan eating bastards – could be harnessed we wouldn’t need that biodiesel plant over on the Big Island.

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