City Council To Ban All Dangerous Habits

Ann Kobayashi chairs the new City Council Committee on Behavioral Modification.

Honolulu’s City Council recently passed a new law prohibiting the use of a cell phone while crossing the street. This has led to further discussions about other potential new “combo” activity prohibitions.

“There are literally hundreds of daily activities, that by themselves pose no danger, but when combined with other seemingly harmless activities can create serious and unacceptable risks,” said Councilwoman Ann Kobayashi. “We need to pass laws against all of these potentially dangerous combinations of activities.”

What began a couple years ago as a ban against the use of cell phones and texting while driving has expanded into a substantial list of prohibited “combo” activities. In addition to cell phones, it is now illegal to combine driving with: eating, applying make up, picking your nose, reading, watching television (or YouTube), cooking, dog grooming or crocheting.

New “combo” laws are not limited to driving activities. A ban on singing in the shower was passed after testimony about increased accidents involving slipping on soap due to inattention and spontaneous, attempted “dance” moves; and the horrific multiple electrocution case caused by the short circuit of a karaoke amplifier. These incidents led to a ban on singing, reading, the use of amplified electrical equipment, cell phone use, texting, and soap while taking a shower.

The use of iPads and laptops came under fire also; leading to the new ban on their use while nude. “You do know there’s camera’s in those things!” cautioned Kobayashi.

Other new laws under consideration by Kobayashi’s committee are: Banning the use of a microwave while operating a blender, spearing buffo toads around electrical extension cords, smoking a cigar within two miles of a gas station and any attempt to chew gum and draft legislation simultaneously.

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2 responses

  1. If only she would ban devious, constantly lying, hypocritical council members who secretly engineer $30,000 annual property tax breaks for their crappy Young Street apartment buildings, while cynically using low-income homeowners living elsewhere as a political smokescreen.

    Some people are so full of shit they’re liable to pop.

  2. We need to have a widespread distribution of posters showing Aunty Ann wagging her finger and admonishing us against undesirable behaviors.

    I picture them mounted on the speakerphone at the drive-thru McD’s, outside the 939 bar on Ke’eaumoku, at all dessert buffet lines and at the Heineken warehouse. For starters.

    Maybe a “what would Aunty Ann do?” campaign, too.

    WWAAD?

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