Governor’s New Homeless Plan Coming Together

A scene in "Browerville," previously known as Sand Island Beach Park

The Governor’s new Homeless Tszar announced today that the new “Bust a Bum” program is working better than expected.  Starting last week, in return for a $100 tax credit,  citizens were encouraged to call in to the State’s “Bust a Bum Hotline” to report the exact location of homeless in their areas.  State authorities then humanely darted the homeless individuals and transfered them to the the new “free form” living environment located on Sand Island.  There, the homeless have the entire run of the old Sand Island Beach Park, oceanfront views and their own private beach.  The recently installed 20-foot  security fence  clearly defines the area now known as Browerville, and recent attempts to get outside it have practically stopped since the addition of electrified razor wire.

Most people in Honolulu have praised the Governor’s bold initiative, which has helped to clear the sidewalks and parks within the city. According to the Governor, “The people who said those folks didn’t want help were proven wrong.”  “They just needed a little encouragement to relocate and seek social services,” said the Governor. “And, keeping the drawbridge up at night helped too…even if they dug under the fence they could only get so far.”

In a concession to the ACLU, the Governor said most of the homeless would be tagged and released on the Big Island after APEC.


4 responses

  1. Call a pres conference to give out a short list of phone numbers for existing service providers? That’s some bold new program!
    The only ones swallowing this steaming load are the stupid news media….

  2. “Homeless person” is out of date.

    The actual program title is the “Abercrombie Unfunded Mandate for the Round-Up of Feral Citizens.”

  3. I’m the rootin-est tootin-est pootin-est bullshit artist north, south, east aaaaaaaaaaaand west of the Pecos.

    PT Barnum only got it half right. Some grey beard hippies are swallowing it too.

  4. Huh? Whaaa?
    Oh, uh, slept right through that one.
    Hey, isn’t that HGEA contract a great deal?
    What 9 extra vacation days?
    If that was important, he would have told us about it.
    My butt itches.
    Hey, did everyone know I used to dabble in journalism?

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s