DJ Progresso In The House

DJ Progresso, or "PROG," also known as Representative Tom Brower, performed the "alternative" invocation.

The State House is still trying to settle on a mutually agreeable alternative for the  traditional opening invocation, now that the the Senate side has led the way and eliminated all forms of prayer. Yesterday’s opening was  handled by Representative Tom Brower, or, as he prefers to be called, DJ “Prog.”  Some of the legislators were shocked by Representative “Prog’s” liberal use of obscenity, street jargon, and really, really bad rapping and boom box.

One member of the house, who didn’t want to be identified, said, “It’s not like Hawaii hasn’t gotten enough bad publicity already this month. We should probably just go back to praying…it couldn’t be any worse than this.”

“I seal the deal cuz my  main appeal is keep’n it real,” said Representative Brower, when asked what he hoped to accomplish by his bizzare performance.  The entire text of his opening invocation is printed here:

I’m here to say, if we can’t pray

You’re gonna pay

By hav’n to listen to my sorry ass all f**k’n day.

Yo,

We da ledge, ho

Yo

We da ledge, ho

I’m getting down so don’t you frown

Don’t dis me like a f**k’n clown

Cuz I’m in yo face and I’m stickin round.

Yo,

We da ledge, ho

Yo

We da ledge, ho

Don’t vote me out or I’m gonna shout

YO, We da ledge! you da dumb ass lout

You vote so stupid you ain’t neva get us out!

Yo,

We da ledge, ho

Yo

We da ledge, ho

Ah MEN-AY…and OUT!

A large contingent of Christians, who were there to protest Civil Unions, left early.  “I couldn’t take it anymore,” said Pastor Keahi. “At this point I don’t care who marries who, just make that guy shut up.”

When asked what prompted Brower to ever consider public office in the first place, he would only say, “I represent to pay the rent, you say I’m bent, but every dam year, back I’m sent.” Brower, who represents Waikiki, is widely rumored to be “tin foil man” seen most days along Kalakaua Avenue.  “Have you ever seen Brower and Tin Foil Man at the same time?” asked one well known Capitol lobbyist, “I haven’t.”

Later, Representative Brower would only vote “Bajizzle” when called on during floor votes.

JUST RELEASED (press it if you dare): BadRap

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3 responses

  1. I’m not quite sure which has been more entertaining:

    1. T-Brow’s barely repressed MTV fantasies gone wild.
    2. Mitch Kahle’s get-a-life antispiritualist phobia run amok.
    or
    3. The Hawaii Senate’s craven cowardice and insipid exercise in political weeniedom.

    Dis ’em all. Let God sort ’em out.

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