In spite of the ongoing investigation by both Federal authorities and the media, there appears to be no progress on pinning down the motive for an “All American Kid,” Mohammad Youssuf Abdulazeez, to go on a bloody rampage at U.S. Military facilities in Tennesee. Investigators interviewed his family and classmates but couldn’t find any reason why the likeable young lad would engage in such violent actions. The Imam of his Mosque could not shed any light on any possible motive. “He asked a lot of questions about Jihad and martyrdom,” said the Imam, “but that’s not unusual.” “He was especially interested in all the details of the 72 virgin thing, but a lot of our young men have trouble dating and get fixated on that one,” noted the Imam. Classmate Suzy Clump said she only saw Youssuf get upset once when the cafeteria served pork chops. “He did seem a little testy over that and there were some explosions and the kitchen and part of the auditorium did burn down,” said Clump. “But it wasn’t Youssuf’s fault…we offended his religion first.” “He seemed to settle down when the school board put goat on the menu,” added Clump.
Federal agents said the downloads on Yousuff’s personal computer revealed nothing suspicious. “We found nothing that would shed any light on this mystery,” said agent Richard Waud. “Just the usual links to goat porn sites, bomb making instructions, the Koran for Dummies and teachings of Osama Bin Laden like any other kid his age.”
“He did have a note instructing him to ‘kill all the dog-fucker infidel American soldiers’ when he was shot, but since it wasn’t signed by any known terrorists or on ISIS letterhead we had to disregarded it.”