Still no clear motive for Chattanooga killings

“He was funny,” said classmates. “Always joking around.”

“He was funny,” said classmates. “Always joking around.”

In spite of the ongoing investigation by both Federal authorities and the media, there appears to be no progress on pinning down the motive for an “All American Kid,” Mohammad Youssuf Abdulazeez, to go on a bloody rampage at U.S. Military facilities in Tennesee. Investigators interviewed his family and classmates but couldn’t find any reason why the likeable young lad would engage in such violent actions. The Imam of his Mosque could not shed any light on any possible motive. “He asked a lot of questions about Jihad and martyrdom,” said the Imam, “but that’s not unusual.” “He was especially interested in all the details of the 72 virgin thing, but a lot of our young men have trouble dating and get fixated on that one,” noted the Imam. Classmate Suzy Clump said she only saw Youssuf get upset once when the cafeteria served pork chops. “He did seem a little testy over that and there were some explosions and the kitchen and part of the auditorium did burn down,” said Clump. “But it wasn’t Youssuf’s fault…we offended his religion first.” “He seemed to settle down when the school board put goat on the menu,” added Clump.

Youssuf was a good student in high school.

Youssuf was a good student in high school.

Federal agents said the downloads on Yousuff’s personal computer revealed nothing suspicious. “We found nothing that would shed any light on this mystery,” said agent Richard Waud. “Just the usual links to goat porn sites, bomb making instructions, the Koran for Dummies and teachings of Osama Bin Laden like any other kid his age.”

Baby Youssuf with his mother in Jordan

Baby Youssuf with his mother in Jordan

“He did have a note instructing him to ‘kill all the dog-fucker infidel American soldiers’ when he was shot, but since it wasn’t signed by any known terrorists or on ISIS letterhead we had to disregarded it.”

During a recent trip to visit his uncle in the middle east he playfully posed next to a “Death to American Infidels” banner.

During a recent trip to visit his uncle in the middle east Youssuf playfully posed next to a “Death to American Infidels” banner.

Planned Parenthood under fire for infant body parts racket

Some of the less desirable parts are sold by the pound in Planned Parenthood's lobby area.

Some of the less desirable parts are sold by the pound in Planned Parenthood’s lobby area.

A covert video showing Planned Parenthood Federation of America’s Senior Director of Medical Services, Dr. Deborah Mengele crowing about PP’s illegal baby organ harvesting operation has caused a media uproar.

“It’s not like we’re going head to head with the Chinese prison system for organ transplants,” said Dr. Mengele. “We are strictly in the boutique, tiny-infant parts sector…mostly hearts, lungs, livers and kidneys…you can’t give the rest of that stuff away.”

Mengele offered great detail about the proper method to crush and dismantle an infant so as not to damage the “keeper” organs, as well as the current going rates charged for each part.

“We are starting to encourage a lot of late-term abortions, so the organs are a little easier to pull out,” said Mengele. “You have to fatten them up a little before you start chopping.”

On the video, Dr. Mengele glanced around the room suspiciously, but continued, “I hope the media doesn’t find out about our plan to become the Obamacare designated health clinics inside schools.”

“We will be able to match the students biometrics with clients needs and pretty much target which girls we want to get pregnant…that’s why we want to handle the sex ed [wink, wink] and then direct them to abortion services department. Wham bam, thank you maam…money in the bank.”

Planned Parenthood CEO,  Cecile Richard, aborts press conference.

Planned Parenthood CEO, Cecile Richard, aborts press conference.

CEO of Planned Parenthood, Cecile Richards, called a press conference that actually made the PP PR disaster into PR armageddon.

First she apologized for the “tone” of Dr. Mengele’s disclosure.

“And by that I mean any tones coming from her big mouth, which she should have kept shut,” sniffed Richards.

“Our top priority is the compassionate care that we provide*,” a straightfaced Richards added.

Richards defended selling parts of aborted babies for medical research — calling the body parts “tissue” that contributes to “life-saving research.*”

The irony of murdering approximately 300,000 babies a year (overwhelmingly targeting minorities) as the basis for her “life-saving” efforts was apparently completely lost on Ms. Richards.

When asked by this reporter if Planned Parenthood founder, Margaret Sanger, was in fact a looney racist who preached genocide of the black race, Ms Richards stuck her fingers in her ears and began making a loud humming sound.

*Richards actually said this.

Taliban hired to destroy Stone Mountain monument

Jefferson Davis succumbs to a precision head shot from crack Taliban artillery.

Stonewall Jackson succumbs to a precision head shot from crack Taliban artillery.

Under a special contract from the Georgia State legislature, a Taliban demolition team from Afghanistan began the destruction of racist Confederate war memorial Stone Mountain.

“They asked us to leave the horses,” said Taliban spokesperson M’Ballz Es-Hari.

Georgia had previously looked into having Robert E. Lee, Jefferson Davis and Stonewall Jackson remodeled into Indians, but gave up on the plan as too costly.

Es-Hari’s team travels with their own RPG’s and artillery, and said they had little difficulty with U.S. customs and travel arrangements. “Americans don’t want to appear insensitive to Muslims, so they just waved us through,” noted M’Ballz.

Ex-Hari’s team gained International notoriety when they destroyed the priceless Bamiyan Budda’s.

“Yeah, that really put us on the map for mopping up politically incorrect monuments,” added Ex-Hari. “Our motto is ‘like it was never there’.”

Due to continued politically correct hysteria the Taliban team may have some additional work while they are in the U.S.

Half of Mt. Rushmore deemed politically incorrect.

Half of Mt. Rushmore deemed politically incorrect.

“We’re waiting on authorization to do some work on Mount Rushmore,” said Es-Hari. “If we get the go ahead from Congress we’ll blast off the two ex-slaveowners on the left [Washington and Jefferson].”

According to M’Ballz Es-Hari, “We almost had a contract to blow up Redskin’s Stadium, but couldn’t get the permits in time.”

Exclusive Interview with Rachel Dolezal, President of NAACP’s Spokane office

NAACP 3 Atomic Monkey: Rachel, you are the head of the NAACP in Spokane, Washington, and you claim to be black but your parents say you are 100% white…what’s up with that?

Rachel: We’ll that’s not completely true, I’m transracial, if my ex-parents choose to continue to perceive me as white, that is their problem. I was only white when I was being suppressed by white people…I was whipped and chained and told to be white.

Atomic Monkey: So, you used to be white, but now you’re black….OK. So how do you feel about people who criticize you for taking actual opportunities from actual black people…like the full scholarship at Howard University…they say it’s either delusional psychosis or out-and-out fraud. Maybe some weird mash-up of both.

Rachel: Fraud, psychosis! This is just one more case of the Transracialphobia that we must endure in our sick society. If Caitlyn Jenner can bravely transform herself into beautiful woman she always was I can become the strong black woman I am.

Atomic Monkey: Uh huh. I’m not sure Jenner succeeded in anything other than a publicity stunt. I’ll believe it when he prunes off his own junk. We heard that Jenner is also now planning to become black because of you stealing his headlines. He’ll be the first transgender-transracial, which will one-up you.

Rachel: You may think this is all some kind of joke, but everyone is entitled to be whatever they think they are, and other people have to accept it. We will continue to fight for not just tolerance, but forced acceptance. You will kiss my big trans-black ass, Honkey, this interview is over.

The Clinton Fundation – The Family Business of Political Graft

Public service can be profitable.

Public service can be profitable.

Ms. Harriet Harpy-Schrue, a spokesperson for the Clinton Fundation, responded to our request for information in a recent letter.

“We’ve had a lot of questions about the Clinton’s charitable foundation in the past few weeks,” said Ms Harpy-Schrue. “As everyone knows the Clinton’s fund humanitarian efforts across the globe. The Foundation retains only a modest 98% administrative fee for its expenses.”

The subject of Mrs. Clinton using her elective offices to extract contributions (bribes) in return for government contracts and other government largess was sharply dismissed by an offended Harpy-Schrue.

“Nothing has been proven!” barked Ms Harpy-Schrue. “There are no records or emails that would support such a cavalier accusation.”

She was apparently referring to the smoldering lump of metal that used to be the Clinton Foundation web server.

FundationLogoThe spokesperson also refused to respond to the revelation of Clinton Fundation “rate cards” where various services were offered in exchange for “suggested” contributions. The rates on an earlier “Senator Clinton” card for items such as floor votes, “putting in a good word” and “greasing a federal contract,” were relatively affordable compared to the more recent “Secretary of State Clinton” rates. “Sending in assassin drones,” for example was a pricey $2,000,000 and three Bill speeches (at $500,000/ ea.)

A question about what role the Clinton Foundation may have played in the Benghazi debacle, when Clinton was Secretary of State, also received a “no comment.” There was some concern as to the significance of an invoice from the Clinton Foundation discovered in the late Ambassador Steven’s desk. The invoice sent to the Ambassador was for $500,000 for military protective services and bore a large rubber stamp that read: “PAST DUE – services will be withheld until paid in full.”

Even more alarmingly, a controversial “President Hillary Clinton” rate card was reported in circulation in the Middle East. Some of the items on it raised eyebrows in Washington — with curious items ranging from “indemnifying your daughter against being made a Bill Clinton White House intern” for $50,000; to “NOT launching a nuclear missile attack on your country,” for a staggering $2 trillion (plus 40 Bill speeches for $1,000,000/ea.