The Clinton Fundation – The Family Business of Political Graft

Public service can be profitable.

Public service can be profitable.

Ms. Harriet Harpy-Schrue, a spokesperson for the Clinton Fundation, responded to our request for information in a recent letter.

“We’ve had a lot of questions about the Clinton’s charitable foundation in the past few weeks,” said Ms Harpy-Schrue. “As everyone knows the Clinton’s fund humanitarian efforts across the globe. The Foundation retains only a modest 98% administrative fee for its expenses.”

The subject of Mrs. Clinton using her elective offices to extract contributions (bribes) in return for government contracts and other government largess was sharply dismissed by an offended Harpy-Schrue.

“Nothing has been proven!” barked Ms Harpy-Schrue. “There are no records or emails that would support such a cavalier accusation.”

She was apparently referring to the smoldering lump of metal that used to be the Clinton Foundation web server.

FundationLogoThe spokesperson also refused to respond to the revelation of Clinton Fundation “rate cards” where various services were offered in exchange for “suggested” contributions. The rates on an earlier “Senator Clinton” card for items such as floor votes, “putting in a good word” and “greasing a federal contract,” were relatively affordable compared to the more recent “Secretary of State Clinton” rates. “Sending in assassin drones,” for example was a pricey $2,000,000 and three Bill speeches (at $500,000/ ea.)

A question about what role the Clinton Foundation may have played in the Benghazi debacle, when Clinton was Secretary of State, also received a “no comment.” There was some concern as to the significance of an invoice from the Clinton Foundation discovered in the late Ambassador Steven’s desk. The invoice sent to the Ambassador was for $500,000 for military protective services and bore a large rubber stamp that read: “PAST DUE – services will be withheld until paid in full.”

Even more alarmingly, a controversial “President Hillary Clinton” rate card was reported in circulation in the Middle East. Some of the items on it raised eyebrows in Washington — with curious items ranging from “indemnifying your daughter against being made a Bill Clinton White House intern” for $50,000; to “NOT launching a nuclear missile attack on your country,” for a staggering $2 trillion (plus 40 Bill speeches for $1,000,000/ea.

Can Pedophileophobia be far behind?

Yeah, that would be the unfair, discrimination, distain or prejudice toward child molestors and school yard weenie wavers.

The current fad is to disparage anyone who disagrees with your politics, religion or lifestyle to be a [whatever you are]+phobic.

Sorry, but “Transphobia” strikes me as ridiculous, but that doesn’t stop liberal media harpies from bashing Jamie Foxx for this made-up psychological transgression. Foxx recently made a joke about well-known gender basket case Bruce Jenner. If you can’t make a joke about someone attached to the traveling Kardashian lunatic circus who can you joke about?

NotaTiger

The liberal media wizards (the same people who promote the Kardashians as a “reality” show) may have finally jumped the shark on this one.

Politically incorrect criminal of the week: Jamie Foxx

Politically incorrect criminal of the week: Jamie Foxx

Since most of the Jamie Foxx defamation is coming from white liberals, maybe they are engaging in good old-fashioned racism. It’s just as valid an accusation as this “Transphobia” bullshit.

How can anyone hold up under the withering character assassination and slander generated by the [whatever they are] social media cyber-mob? Tweeting your enemies to death has replaced burning at the stake.

If a dude wants to cut off his own dick and wear a dress it is apparently now his civil right and perfectly OK (we learned this from sit-coms). It’s probably even covered under Obamacare. But, make a joke about going from the Wheaties box to Fruit Loops and YOU are attacked as the one with an anti-social mental issue.

What Foxx actually said was, “We have some groundbreaking performances here, too, tonight. We got Bruce Jenner, who will be here doing some musical performances. He’s doing a his-and-her duet all by himself.”

Pretty tame, G-rated and definitely covered by his constitutionally protected right to free speech. If you are offended by this joke there is probably something seriously wrong with YOU.

It is not currently illegal to have an opinion and express it.

You can spend a lot of money on surgeons to hack away at your crotch, inject you with hormones and whittle your Adam’s Apple down, but the result will be self-mutilation, not gender change.

You may be unhappy with your genetic code, but you’re pretty much stuck with it.

I could declare myself to be a bat, and hang upside down in my closet all day. I would not actually ever become a bat. My first attempt at flight from my 20th floor condo would undoubtedly prove fatal. I would still not even be a dead bat at that point…I would be a dead delusional individual who had a serious mental illness associated with a catastrophic identity crisis.

Not a Shadow of Doubt

Mysterious shadow in Clinton portrait continues to arouse.

Mysterious shadow in Clinton portrait continues to arouse suspicion.

Official presidential artist, Oswald Gouche, has finally admitted that the controversial shadow in Bil Clinton’s portrait is, in fact, a depiction of oral sex. “I can’t believe that it took this long to out the joke,” said Gouche. “I mean, Geeez, it’s pretty dam obvious isn’t it?” Gouche relates an exchange between President Clinton and himself at the first unveiling of the painting. The president pulled me aside and said ‘Hey, Gouche, is it just me or does that shadow on the mantle remind you of something?” “I told him that it was a badly rendered map of the United States and Cuba being projected with PowerPoint to show that the president was a ‘hands on’ foreign policy expert and was ‘boning up’ on current events,” said Gouche. “I really said that!” added Gouche, “There was champagne coming out of my nose…I almost pissed myself!” The president mumbled “Sure looks like somebody getting a blow job, but I’m kinda hyper sensitive about that sort of thing” and wandered off. “I’m totally mystified that nobody said anything more about it for years,” said Gouche. “It’s not like I was trying to be subtle.”

Socialist Media

HillDog

As U.S. Secretary of State, Hillary Clinton blew off communications protocol and security, opting to use her personal e-mail and social media for official business. Now under congressional scrutiny, and blistering criticism, Clinton’s online files are being subpoenaed. Early disclosures regarding “TweetGate” have not assuaged the growing concerns.


snuke


Clinton's selfie with new BFF Meryl

Clinton’s selfie with new BFF Meryl

The tone of Mrs. Clinton’s online correspondence has been criticized as juvenile and provocative. There seems to be a lot of age-innapropriate banter and general lack of responsible activity that one should associate with such a high office. Many agencies of the Federal government that operate under the State Department were mystified by the lack of formal correspondence through normal channels while Clinton served on Obama’s cabinet.

“We never got any instructions at all because we didn’t follow her on Twitter,” said a unnamed foreign ambassador.

Clinton herself seems unperturbed by the growing scandal.

“It’s just easier for me to use social media on my iPhone…I don’t like computers and I’m always on the go anyway,” explained Clinton. “This is 2015…chill!”

HillaryFacebook

Brady opens up about his ball problem

Brady tells press that enough has been said about his balls.

Brady tells the press that enough has been said about his balls.

“It’s not like I’m Marshawn Lynch and have to check them after every play.” said an exasperated Tom Brady. “Everybody knows that when it’s cold outside, like in the twenties, they get a little more compact.”

The issue just doesn’t seem to want to go away, with the NFL front office now involved in a full blown investigation of what may be another rule violation by the New England Patriots.  The accusation came following their playoff game with the Baltimore Ravens when defensive end Chris Canty went public. “This isn’t the first time I’ve gotten ahold of one of Brady’s balls,” explained Canty, “but during our playoff game they felt a title softer than usual.”

The NFL has already made new rules for the SuperBowl and will require Brady to have his balls spot checked, measured by calipers and weighed by the Referee during official time outs throughout the game.

Golfer Robert Allenby comes clean on Honolulu abduction story

Allenby says it's time to explain what really happened,

Allenby says it’s time to explain what really happened,

After being criticized by the media for inconsistencies in his story, pro golfer Robert Allenby has come clean with what he says is the real story of what happened at Honolulu’s Amuse Wine Bar.

“I should not have made up that stuff about being kidnapped by North Korean agents, but no one would have believed the real story,” said Allenby. “Thank God, a witness came forward with that photograph…now I can tell the truth.”

New photo surfaces that shows Allenby's abduction taking place.

New photo surfaces that shows Allenby’s abduction taking place.

Allenby was referring to an astonishing photo that has come forward showing what looks like a UFO hovering over the Honolulu Design Center and “beaming” what appears to be Allenby aboard the craft.

“That what happened by Crikey,” confirmed Allenby. “I was taking a whiz and the next thing I know I’m rising up through a hole in the roof, right into that dam saucer.”

“Those dam little gray buggers stole my wallet, shoved a probe up my arse and dropped me into that planter where they found me,” explained the battered golfer. “I hate those little bastards.”

Recent surveillance video released by the police reinforces the latest version of this story. Video taken later that night shows what could best be described as a gray alien using Allenby’s Mastercard in an attempt to purchase tequila at a convenience store less than a mile from where the abduction took place.

Surveillance footage shows attempt to use Allenby's stolen credit card

Surveillance footage shows attempt to use Allenby’s stolen credit card