Who will we send to Congress this time?

One chair, many butts.

Just as the last of the campaign banners are finally down from last year’s election…here we go again.  With the untimely death of Hawaii’s legendary Senator, Daniel K. Inouye, the Congressional pot is once again being stirred.  And, as Governor, Neil Abercrombie get’s to play chef, and like it or not, we have to eat whatever he serves up.  It would be hard for Neil to ignore Inouye’s last wishes and not appoint Colleen Hanabusa to fill his term.  But, all the choices remain with Neil, a political animal with his own demons,  who once ran for “Super Senator” back in the early seventies.  Is his unlikely dream now actually within his grasp? Technically…yes

Let’s take a look at some of the bizarre scenarios, including Senator Abercrombie, that could unfurl in the next few weeks.

Unless Dante Carpenter forwards his own name three times (you never know), the Democrat Party must submit three viable contenders from which the Guv will select his appointment to the U.S. Senate. If he selects, as Senator Inouye had wished, Colleen Hanabusa we then have an all-comers, battle royale for her open seat (see Congressional Battle Royale below).

It is beyond the perversities of human imagination to guess what shenanigans are afoot within the inner sanctum of the Democratic Party and who may survive to the final three.  It is, however, great fun to lampoon the process.

Will Neil Abercrombie just say “to hell with it” and grab the prize for himself?  There is no question that within his deep subconscious, next to his bong and SDS handbook, lurks the delusion of “Super Senator.”  Will he do it?  Could he weather the flak and arrows from angry Inouye loyalists over his renunciation the Senator’s dying wish?  Neil doesn’t really seem to like being governor much anymore, and had a much better time hanging out in Washington, DC, where nobody knew or cared what he was up to.  Will the dormant “Super Senator” dare to dawn his tights and soar up and away from Hawaii’s foolish voters.  Maybe.

Will he appoint Tulsi Gabbard…our recently elected Congresswoman?  Why not, she never did any of the other jobs which she was elected to do, and she could use it as a platform to immediately start running for President. Poetic justice, but unlikely.

Will Neil attempt to float a “placeholder” who will dutifully step down and allow for a full blown election?  Someone like his Lt. Governor, Brian Schatz, or one of the young bucks from the legislature?  Or would he call on one of his ‘good old boys’ for this roll…a nice plum for old times sake?  Would he have the balls to elevate a Ben, Dante, Calvin, Clayton, Walter or Dickie to the U.S. Senate for even a temporary stay?  Maybe, but doubtfull.  Too much baggage, anti-rail foolery and just plain gristle in that group.

No, he’ll probably settle down after wasting time reviewing every other ridiculous and damaging choice in great detail and forward Inouye’s original choice Colleen Hanabusa.

Congressional Battle Royale

And, THAT sets off part two of the chaos; a replacement election for the resulting open Congressional seat where unlimited candidates throw their hats into a winner-take all brawl.  Here’s the current Chinatown odds (way more accurate than Hawaii’s pollsters):

2 to 1 - Charles Djou – Came in second to Hanabusa, an R in a D’s world.

3 to 1 - Mufi Hannemann – Rejected by “progressive” liberals in D primaries, could do well in an open general.

6 to 1 - Linda Lingle –Will say and do anything to get elected and everybody knows it. Talks like a robot on valium.

9 to 1 - Ed Case – Still suffering from systemic poison sprinkled on him for dissing Akaka. His Democratic foliage continues to turn brown and drop off.

9 to 1 - Bu La’ia – Will exploit his recent Pancho’s Solar ads and outpoll Panos.

10 to 1 - John Carroll – What’s a campaign without John?

10 to 1 - Calvin Say – Attempting a dead cat bounce.

10 to 1 - John Waihee – Why not, he needs the money.

50 to 1 - Panos Prevedouros – Darling of the brainless anti-rail crowd, because that’s all that matters, right???

1000 to 1 - Tom Berg – You can’t keep a good man down…or, a raging lunatic either.