The Growing Owl Menace
January 26, 2012 at 8:31 am 2 comments
The last thing Hawaii expected was a Jihadi Owl on Thanksgiving,
Hawaii’s close call with a full scale terrorist attack came at the end of last year. A Snowy Owl tried to penetrate secure air space over the Honolulu International Airport, but was blasted from the skies by the alert actions of the Hawaii Department of Defense. The Governor had been advised previously of the suspicious movements of Snowy Owls, and had been tipped off by Federal authorities about the growing connections between the owls and known terrorist organizations.
There are now over 300 Snowy Owls held at GITMO. Several have been interrogated by anti-terrorist agencies and have given up other owl cells as far south as Seattle.
Some Homeland Security experts theorize that the owls have been training for suicide missions around some of America’s busiest airports. The fairly large owl could fly directly into a jet’s intake during take off possibly causing a deadly crash.
“We knew these owls were showing up where they shouldn’t and had been seen hanging around with known Al Qaeda operatives,” said the Governor. “We had information that they were on international “no fly” lists, so didn’t really think it was likely they’d ever reach Hawaii.”
But, little known to the Governor, owls don’t need to board jet planes to travel. According to the Governor, “It’s pretty obvious to me that when one of these birds flys 3,000 miles to get to Hawaii it isn’t planning a vacation.”
The owl proved no match for Hawaii's crack troops.
The Gov activated his State Department of Defense that immediately deployed around the Airport. After a brief fire fight the owl was killed. According to one military officer on the scene, who asked not to be identified, the owl refused all instructions to land and surrender itself, though the orders were broadcast in English, Arabic and Canadian. This gave them little choice but to open fire and bring the confrontation to an immediate and decisive end. Some speculated that the Governor had given “kill on sight” instructions and there had been no real attempt to capture the bird alive.
“The President has Seal Team Six, and I have my DOD,” said a beaming Governor, “and we kicked some white, feathery butt out there.”
SPECIAL TROLL-A-RAMA BONUS: COUNCILMAN BERG ON OWL DEBACLE
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Entry filed under: Hawaii Political Satire, Political Satire. Tags: Al Qaeda, Hawaii, Snowy Owl, Terrorists.
1.
Richard Gozinya | January 28, 2012 at 10:44 pm
When asked if he knew Abercrombie, the owl responded. “Who?”
2.
atomicmonkey | January 30, 2012 at 8:03 pm
Harry Potter, who is vacationing at the Moana, was pretty upset that he is no longer able to receive his mail.